You have heard the phrase life is a journey? Well I don’t think I really appreciate this phrase much; however, the past 18 months has proven to a huge journey for me.
Back in my blogging hay day I used to blog everyday and at a minimum once every other day. I blogged about such things as my kids, wordless Wednesday, work, family etc. I found blogging to be an outlet for me a place where I could vent my fears and frustrations and people either liked me for who I was or didn’t but the beauty was unlike in day to day, face to face life I wasn’t aware of the dislikes. This created a safe haven of sorts for me. So to all of my old blogger friends out there who are brave enough to venture back into my blog, thanks. For all you new folks sit down buckle up and let me share with you a story over the next several months.
A little over 18 months ago, I lost my mom, it was a troublesome time for me, and it would be for anyone, right? Well, for me it was a mish mash of feelings, some of these feels people would be shocked to hear some adjectives which come to mind to describe my feelings are relieved, bittersweet, freed, lonesome, and wandering. Not all the words you were thinking about to describe the loss of a parent huh?
My mother and I had a different relationship; I knew that from an early age. She was a single parent, we didn’t have much money, and she had a temper. But different didn’t stop there. It was a relationship built on fear and secrets. I feared my mother; I feared her more than anyone who knows me knows.
When she died, I started to work through that fear and break down its walls and barriers. It has been a journey of epic proportions for me as I have never been one to deal with my feelings or my childhood; I’ve only looked forward and never back. I never dealt with my demons and I couldn’t afford for my demons to ruin me or my family the way they had ruined my mom.
Over the next several months, I plan to document the journey I have been on, mainly because I want to be able to look back at where I have been and how I have overcome and to share, in the hopes of helping anyone who may be faced with a similar situation.
I hope you continue to check back as the weeks roll on. I will still update you about the happenings in my life and my family’s life along the way :) I missed you all and I have missed your kind words and support. Here’s to reconnecting!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Life is a journey......
Posted by Stephanie Whalen at 3:00 PM
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5 comments:
Steph--I am so glad you're back. You're one of the main reasons I started a blog b/c you were brave enough to do it and it gave me the idea. I also think you and I had possibly similar relationships with our moms. And I understand how hard it is having just lost my mom last year. Maybe we are on a similar journey. I will be looking here often to see what is unfolding. And I can honestly say that you influence my life probably more than you know. Everything from how great a mom you are to how you run marathons to how you decorate our house lol. I really look up to you. So I'm glad you're back
Clearly I meant YOUR house...but the glass of wine wrote "our house" lol
This is the first time I visited your blog and it is so heartfelt.
Sometimes we never really understand our mothers until we become mothers ourselves or when they are gone. Our mothers probably had issue with their parents too and when the time came, either they became like their parents or consciously make an effort to be different. Unlike you, my conflict was with my dad, not because he wasn't a good one, but rather on many other aspects. He too has passed away and I have long forgiven him for his transgressions to my mom and I also finally understood why he was did the things he did. I too am so like him in many ways but I really try to be a better person. May God bless you today and always! Stay Strong!
Hi Steph, welcome back to blogging! Yes it is an outlet when we sometimes feel down or very happy. Sorry to hear about your mom.
My mother is strict as she can be. Sometimes she's unreasonable. But I understand her. And she also listens to my reasoning :) I love my mother so much.
Keep in touch and I sure will always come back and check on you here. Take care.
Marms
By the way, I placed your link in my blogroll.
Marms
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