I should not be here.......but Thank You!!!

I was never supposed to make anything of myself…….. in 5^th grade I struggled with my reading and my spelling that academic struggle continued well into my college years. Quite the contrast from 3^rd grade where I always received hundreds on my spelling tests……what changed? I wish I knew…..

I can recall all my elementary years vividly but none more than second grade, see about 2 months into 2^nd grade my life changed. I was sent to live with a woman I did not know. I was told it was because mom needed to deal with some issues, I thought is was because she was dealing with her divorce from my father. At least that is was my memory is of that time. However I am not sure how that makes sense…… my father to my knowledge never threatened my well being so I can only assume my mom just couldn’t cope.

How did I end up in Concord MA with some woman I didn’t know?? The principle of my school Sr. Maureen had befriended my mom., I was attending St Mary’s Elementary school. Apparently they formed a bound and Sr. Maureen had an amazing sister who was willing to take me in for a period of time while my mom dealt with whatever it is she needed to deal with without me around.

I arrived in Concord and was provided my own room in a HOUSE, not just a house a house on a cul de sac. I was able to go to public school which meant I got to wear my own clothes and not a uniform. I was able to ride my bike after school and I was able to have play dates, I was able to have sleepovers (I was never able to do that ever at mom moms house…EVER). The best part however was that I was given such a special gift…..a big brother. John was Helen’s only son and while he could have had every reason to hate me for crashing his happy home with his mom he didn’t. He accepted me as a younger sister and treated me as such. We yelled at each other, joked with each other, and we loved each other.

My 6 or so months in MA were some of the best of my childhood, I was accepted into the Clark/Minihane family as though I had been a part of it since birth. This family and its extended family was forever in my heart and in my mind. It was what I strived to have all my life.

I was lucky enough to be a part of the family for 6 more years until the unthinkable happened. John aka Jakie was taken from us way too soon. He was a Harvard Freshman, he had been given a motorcycle by his grandfather (papi as he was affectingly known). I’ll never forget pulling up to St Mary’s that fateful day. The assistant principle was looking for my mom’s car. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was freaking out a bit wondering what I had done because I knew she was looking for me and only me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. She was there to tell me John, my Jackie had been killed in an accident. I’ll never forget that day, it was one of the few days were we allowed to dress in our regular clothes and not our uniforms. All morning and the night before I had been concerned my outfit, would not be as preppy as the other kids??? but at that moment I was informed Jakie was gone all of that went out the window.

I spent the rest of the day in the school chapel, I tried to go to class but I just couldn’t handle it. It was the second time in as many years I had spent the entire day in the chapel but this time it was devastating and real.

Helen was kind enough to let me visit Concord again that summer, she took me to Johns grave even though I now know that had to be incredibly painful for her. Yet she did it for me so I could say my good byes.

I am not sure how or why we lost touch over the years, because Helen, John and the entire Minihane family has been in my heart for as long as I can remember.

After mom died I tried to locate Sr. Maureen as I thought it would help me find some of the answers I was searching for as they pertained to my mom. I looked though it was not as complete a search as I could have done. I did however find Helen’s Niece Julie who I held as a wee baby. She was kind enough recently to friend me and I was lucky enough to witness via face book her amazing wedding. It also allowed me to see some of the faces of the past and I can’t begin to express how comforting it was to me.

Looking at her photos of those I had know more that 30 years ago was bittersweet. It was though I was witnessing the happiness of the family I had always hoped to have.

So while my mom may not have always provided me the traditional family or a period of time she did and for that I Am forever appreciative, not to my mom but tot the amazing generosity of Helen and her family. They showed me the meaning of family, the happiness of family living, and instilled in me the hope that I would one day achieve all of it.

I have superseded most peoples expectations, even my own. I married well, I had 3 beautiful healthy children, I created a family unit I always wanted. I worked hard and achieved success in my career reaching executive status in my company before 40.

I owe a lot of that to not only my mother but to Helen Clark….she provide a window into what could be and I think eventually I decided to stop looking through the window but rather become a part of the action.

Thank you Helen and Jakie, I love you both with all my heart.